I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Randomize
