oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
