I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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