Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
