You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
