I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
