I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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