Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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