if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
