Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
