Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
