paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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