Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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