my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
