I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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