True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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