I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
