Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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