you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
