I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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