did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
