I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
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