Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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