So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
