How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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