This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
