found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
