No stitches, just platelets and will power
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
