if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
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I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
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Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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