is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
