Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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