Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
