don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
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i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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