Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
