If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
