I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
