The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
