New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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