This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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