is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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