but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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