OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
