I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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