its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He kissed a someone with a penis
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
