you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
