It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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