On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
