I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
