We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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