someone threw a dead crab at me
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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