winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
