he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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