just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
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He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
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My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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