I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
