New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
