bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
