even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
