You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
