Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
