One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
