One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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