How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
