I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
