we're chasing vodka with high fives
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
