Me. At least after what I've been through.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
