You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
