Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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